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new paltz is the place for music outside,
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Thursday, December 5th, 2002
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okay everyone that i know reads this lives in the region, but it snowed today. school was cancelled, but i went anyway. i like how people are freindlier in the snow. the transit center was buzzing with conversation, people were smiling, it was insanity. i think that when you know you are definatly not going to get where you are going on time, you relax. i definatly enjoyed my travels today, which weren't much longer than usual considering. maybe snow just lifts people's spirits.
a couple of inches of snow shuts down the entire county. i think thats crazy since many people went to school anyway. i definatly liked it though. a snow covered town is beautiful sight, and it was good to have time to appreciate it.
once at school i decided to do some work in the library, but when they kicked us out, alecks, big country and I went to mall to complain about capitalism. i said that the shiny clean mall made me feel dirty, and made me want to buy something to compensate for that dirty feeling, but that there are probably more germs flying around this place than anywhere else. then big country said that everyone in the mall was just itching to riot, but needed someone to start it. i was going to throw a chair though the window at the abercrombie, but decided to just go home. however, not before good times were had by all.
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Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
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okay here is my story, because, my father called me a hypocrite for taking the car to school because i was running late and constantly makes fun of my bus riding.
nassau county has 1.6 million residents and would be the sixth largest city in the US, if it wasn't a county and a suburb. however, because people are riduclous, there is no real transit system. this is because suburban people drive and urban people don't. sixth largest city. assholes. instead we have highways every two feet, miles upon miles of parking lots and massive traffic problems still. all this because people are ridiculously dumb. and, aside from being racist, people moved out here to be closer to nature, whatever that means. all i see is pavement, and i'm having a real hard time breathing though all your exhaust. i can't see the stars. it makes me want to move closer to nature, drive around and destroy it so much i want to move again. where does this ignorance come from? why is the real-estate system racist to the profit of the driving-related industries? why does the government have 300 million dollars in funding for highways and zero for transit, making it go into debt floating bonds to stay alive?
SIXTH LARGEST CITY.
grr.
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Saturday, November 30th, 2002
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| Time: | 11:40 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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my mother dragged me out to north carolina to see my aunt, thats 14 hours of driving each way. it wasn't fun. when my family is together they find humor in tricking me into eating things i dont want to eat by omitting ingredients. i wasn't fooled by the chicken broth though. i saw the container.
asheville is a nice little town. they have an independant newspaper and they keep it right next to the usa today and the asheville citezen-times. so the headlines were "bullshit", "bullshit" and "US sends military presence to NATO protests in prague", respectively. i've never seen anything like it.
well, i'm home now and i hope someone drops by to say hi, because, i dont know, its good to keep in touch, plus margy said she would. it doesn't matter though, i'll always be here, so, whenever.
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002
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| Time: | 11:41 pm. |
| Mood: | amazed. |
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so tonight i got all dressed up and had no where to go.
i wasn't dressed all day because the bathroom was being painted, so, when i could finally take a shower it was around 7pm. i felt that, since i got dressed so late, that i should go somewhere. even more so than on a normal weekend when i'm dressed. but kyle was in new paltz and alex was not home, and i'm pretty sure lisa does not want to be my friend. first she says 'i'm watching my little brother' and then she says she's not feeling well *cough*cough* whatever. the point is, i hate staying home all the time, i need to have fun becuase i never do and work and school are the only places i go.
i also feel really stupid. sometimes i meet people that are really a lot smarter than i am. that makes me want to be smart too. i dont know how to go about being smart. i was smart in second grade, and then again in seventh grade, but that was it. there are definatly some smart people at nassau, and some smart professors, but it just isn't rubbing off on me. the stuff they teach is mindless and the tests are multiple choice. on time, i got a perfect score in one section of an high school aptitude test, but that section was the section where you have to put boxes together and say where the dot will be. there is just no room for a talented box-assembling man in this world. i hear its not a very high paying job. some people can even assemble their own boxes whenever they need them. they store them flat so that they take up less space. offices are now using those 'wonder-boxes' that go from flat to open in seconds, with no assembly. my only recourse is to learn stuff and be smart in a non-box-assembling manner. if i only knew how or where to begin...
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Friday, November 8th, 2002
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| Time: | 9:49 pm. |
| Mood: | curious. |
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i dont remember cutting my nails, yet they are signifigantly shorter than they were yesterday. what's even worse is that i would have never cut them this short.
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i dont know. i cant even think. there are these images that appear to be moving around me, and, oh! i'm walking. college is supposed to make you smart. i need a vacation. i'm tired of working. i'm going to make a rowboat and row out to a tiny island in the pacific, gather berries and eat seaweed.
also, from now on, i will be providing services free of charge. i have many talents, so feel free to ask for whatever, go to marthastewart.com or whatever you need to do. my only request is that you pay it forward.
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Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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| Time: | 9:50 pm. |
| Mood: | accomplished. |
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"I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves." (Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947, XIX, Sunday.)
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Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
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i went to the meadow today
well it was a baseball field, but i liked to think it was a meadow, and that i lived in the forest and i went out the meadow and looked at the night sky for a while.
the clouds were a beautiful luminescence against the dark sky. it was really nice. i havent done that in a while.
i had been keeping so busy, because i had to, just to keep my mind off being depressed, because if i had a second to think, i'd be in trouble.
today, i lay in the meadow, and it was just nice to have a break. nothing i thought of made me too sad. although i did miss sharing it with someone, or maybe i never did, its so hard to tell at this point. maybe i just wished i had someone to share it with, maybe i was just there imagining that there was a sharing when there wasn't, and i imagined that connection only because i wished it was there. maybe i've done that all my life. lets not go back and look at all my failures. tonight was nice.
tomorrow's going to be busy again.
what did i get myself into?
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Saturday, October 19th, 2002
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well i really haven't felt like writing anything in a while, but i couldn't leave off on the last post like that, it wasn't very pretty.
so, i'm really doing okay. in other news, i figured out what was wrong with my internet connection, i had used ip addresses that conflict with external ip addesses and had to pick from one of the classes reserved for internal applications. so i picked 10.0.0.32, 10.0.0.162, and 10.0.0.2. that's some pretty exciting news right?
i started talking to someone whose journal i read, but didn't know the person. it didn't go too far. i guess i came off as a stalker or something, but i didn't say anything weird i really didn't.
i just caught a glimpse of a cooking show that explains how to take frozen pies and put them in glassware, giving the impression that they were baked from scratch. i think that is really sad. i guess on the other hand it does give you more time to sit on your fat ass watching the cooking show. well i dont want to say that, i guess the real cooking shows are on in the daytime, when the people are home and have free time to do stuff.
i am living this day over and over again, i just dont get to remember it happened before. like that movie '12:01' and countless others on the same topic. i think i'll rent it one day.
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Thursday, October 17th, 2002
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"we have no conclusive evidence, but we in the intellegence community beleive that North Korea has 'the bomb'" ~my freind don on the fox news channel.
well i guess they are next, lets just kill everyone.
on one hand, they are just openly making shit up now instead of disguising it with biased inspections and made up facts.
on the other hand, they didn't have to destroy anymore bulidings in lower manhattan.
facism/death facism/death. oh which shall i choose.
oh and we have 'the bomb' arhghh
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Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
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i've got nothing to complain about today.
well, i did pay 15 dollars a school to send transcripts of the one semester i attended that silly institution. so i needed 7 schools, and i only filled out 4 requests, cause 'i dont have that kind of money' so the other three schools are just going to loose out at the chance to have me as a student.
i feel okay though.
i finished my bag and it came out really nice, my mother took it from me and brought it to the tailor to have the strap sewn on 'professionally'. now i wont be able to use my wonderful bag until saturday, when i have nothing to carry. I think the strap was fine the way it was. i had such a sense of accomplishment. i don't feel like she finds fault in everything everything i do, just that i was really happy with my imperfect bag. i really didn't want her to do that.
my freind came over monday, instead of tuesday. that made me really happy. why don't i like many people? and why wont i look past the borders of my village to find that person?
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Friday, October 11th, 2002
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so another person left the company today. i'm going to focus on what this means to me first. everytime someone leaves i get their job. i have three jobs.
I make 6.50 and the person initially replaced made more like 14. including the two other people's jobs i took on when they quit, i should be making around 42 dollars an hour. I am not making 42 dollars an hour. I am not even making the entry-level salary of 7 dollars an hour. i've been complaining since july and they say that they are working on it. do they know what a deal 7 dollars an hour is compared to 42?
i'm going to set the building on fire.
oh and they never have any cake anymore. there used to be a party every week, now they cut back. the boss still goes golfing that bastard.
i dont even eat cake.
wait, there more, i guess. my favorite 50 year old women left she was like a mother and lover to me. i cried and gave her a nice long hug. and i put five dollars (a lot) in the envelope that was passed around. she will be missed.
i could be president of the nassau community college students for an egalitarian society. i dont know about that, because one of the members had a big problem with the title and left the club because of it. as president, i would promise to change the title. or read up on egalitarianism. Equality sounds nice, but i didn't pick the name. I don't think we need to be clones of each other to be considered equals, but the ex-member seemed to caution us about that. this club, by the way, will NOT change the world. i warn you about that. hah! anyway, alecks wants to make me president. presidents get assassinated, i told him.
i'm lonely, my brother and sister are out with their freinds and i am home watching cable with mom. its like high school all over again. i'm not amused.
mood: i am an island; and a half hour block of my life has now concluded. //endtransmission//
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